Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
