So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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