I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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