Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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