Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
