if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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