Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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