i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
