Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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