i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
