Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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