i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
