roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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