I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have aggressive nipples.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
