No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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