Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Everything about him screamed your future.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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