I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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