one two three fourrrrnication!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
