you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
