Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
