She's JV to your varsity
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
