You made me cry and you don't even care
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
