At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
