Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
