Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
