I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
