ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
