I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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