Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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