I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
