Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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