I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
