sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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