yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
