A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
