she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
