She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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