Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
