:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
