1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
