laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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