I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
