if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
