____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
