I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i think i just lost a toe
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
