shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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