btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
