Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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