My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
