I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
