Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
