the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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