guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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