Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
