yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
