i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
