All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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