anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
