She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
