Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
