fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
