I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
