Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
