My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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