I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
