the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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