I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
