I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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