Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
