Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
