Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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